After Facing a Miscarriage and Accident that Changed My Life, I Choose Life - Even with Its Unanswered Questions

Following this week’s hearing in Congress, the subject of Planned Parenthood and its abortion practices continues to be a hot news topic—though even Christians who disagree on it seem unwilling to discuss it. My heart is to open an honest, civil discussion.

For decades, pro-life advocates have approached abortion mainly by showing these are living babies in the womb. Yet if people are not convinced already with the science that is clear—that the pre-born baby is a living person with a beating heart, the baby feels pain, etc.—then more evidence will not do much.  

I’d like to present another approach. At the heart of the issue is: Why do women abort their babies? Calling it by another name, such as fetal tissue, and believing that it is not alive may help ease their conscience. But I also think it fits in with their view of life.

Some of the reasons we hear for having an abortion include:

-              -  I am not ready or able to take care of a child.

-              -  Having a baby would impact my life; I wouldn't have the time to do what I want or “need” to do at this time. 

-              -  It will impact my career (How many women have been overlooked for promotions due to being a mother? It is a shame that it happens, but the truth is it does.)

-              - The baby may have a physical disability—it would be too hard to take care of them, and it would not be a good life for the child.

There is truth in a lot of these statements. Having a child requires a lot of time; there are sacrifices I made to take care of my two children. Another big reason we hear why abortion should be legal is in cases of rape. In all these cases, accepting the gift of a baby is a matter of answering two heart questions: Are my priorities “all about me”? And what is my view of God?

If God is who we say He is—the creator of life—those of us created cannot accurately assess how the Creator made a mistake. There are surprises for us, but no accidents in His plan. When a woman gets pregnant, it’s not as if God looks down and says, Oops, I didn't see that coming. He knows the circumstances of the mother. And He knows the future for both the mother and the child. 

Are there times that the birth mother cannot take care of the child? Yes. But I believe God knows that too and has a plan for that child. It may be being adopted. But even if the child is not adopted, God does not abandon the child. He is there through everything. Can we wrap our minds around the fact that God is all-knowing, all-powerful, loving, faithful? If He is all these things and so much more, how can we say that abortion should ever be the option?

I believe that every child's life begins at conception. God is true to His word: He knits us together in our mother's womb. He has a plan and purpose for both mother and child. Although rape is a horrible crime, it is not the woman's fault or the baby's fault that a child resulted from this act. All we can truly know is that God knows and that there is a purpose for this child's life. Let's support the mother and child. Just as we are not defined by our past, so is this infant not defined by his past. 

While I am married and have two children, I also know the pain of losing a child. My first pregnancy had just begun when I lost the child. The doctors confirmed that I had been pregnant and that I had what the medical community called a "spontaneous abortion.” Right away, that word abortion made me cringe.

We think of abortion as a choice to end a pregnancy, an unwanted pregnancy. Even though I was only about six weeks along, I knew that I was carrying a child who was alive. But there was nothing I could do about the loss—except grieve and give the child to God. 

My view prior to this was that abortion was a personal choice. Yet during that time, I became convinced abortion was wrong. If I believed I was carrying a child that was alive at that time, then how could I believe that abortion was not killing a child? But I also fell into the trap of thinking that this was what I believe; that I shouldn't express my opinion to others. It was between them and God, I thought.

Along the way, about five years later, I heard a speaker talk about abortion and other issues. The speaker stated, “If they are wrong, then they are always wrong. Could you imagine saying, I don't think it is right to kill, but it is up to you whether you think it is right?”

Either it is right or it is wrong. It can't be both, no matter how we much we think there should be a gray area. God's word is true. There is no in-between. If we don't have set laws, then where are the boundaries? What is permissible? 

I started standing for the fact that abortion is wrong and should never be done. I thank God that He showed me His heart on this issue. Though it’s true that abortion is wrong, it was never that God viewed the women who had abortions as evil. They are like a lot of us—hurting people.

God loves these women. This does not permanently separate them from God. It is just like any sin that separates us from God—like lying, stealing, cheating. We are all separated from God until we confess our sins to Him and receive Jesus as our Savior. And I am so thankful that He is faithful to forgive us. 

And if you think that I cannot relate to facing such circumstances—driven to cry out, Why did God let this happen?—you would be wrong. My life changed dramatically nine years ago after a "minor" car crash. It didn't look so bad at first, but my neck and back were hurt. Since then, I have gone through multiple procedures including a surgery and medications galore with no relief. 

I have not been able to work due to the pain I live with every day that limits what I can or cannot do. And if I can do some things, the amount of time I can do them has been drastically reduced. I never expected my life to change so dramatically.

The questions come: why did God allow the accident to happen? And why haven't I been healed? What is the purpose? I have no answers to these questions today. I don't know why this is the road I am walking down at this time.

But what I do know is that God is still a good God. He loves me, and He is walking this road with me. And I do believe what His word says: that all things work to the good for those who love Him. There are times where I get a glimpse of how He is using my experiences to minister to others and empathize with them, in ways I could not have understood before the accident. 

Everything that happens, God can use for good. I have also seen how He has worked things in me that have drawn me closer to Him. It is by His grace and love that I make it through each day. I can truly say He is my God, my best friend, my healer, my deliverer, my strength, my joy, and so much more.

Let’s be in prayer for the hearts of men and women who are faced with the choice of having an abortion, that God would open their hearts to hear His voice. Knowing God as the creative, all-knowing, all powerful One, He enables us to choose life.

I pray that they would know that the child in the mother's womb is wonderfully made… and God has a plan for the mother, father and their child.

Just to let you know that this article was originally published by Bound for Life International at Bound4life.com

Scars Are Beautiful

Why do we hide our scars and our wounds?  Why do we think that it disqualifies us from so many things in life?  I can't help others.  I can't be in ministry.  I can't get a better job.   Why?  We think that these scars are bad.  We don't want anyone to know.  Or we want to pretend, and we want others to pretend, that they are not even there.  

What are our scars, our broken pieces?  They may be physical scars that others may see.  But a lot of the times, the bigger scars are the unseen ones.  These internal scars are so much harder for others to see, but we tend to think they do.  And that these scars are all they see when they look at us.    Physical injuries and traumas may also lead to the hidden scars in our mind, emotions, and spirit.   Some of these are the emotional scars of hurt, rejection, insecurity, bitterness, feeling unloved, unwanted, unimportant, a failure, and so on.  We then say  to ourselves "who would listen to me? I messed up.  Why would they trust me?  All I have is hurt?  How can I help?"  So many lies and we listen to them.  We agree with them.  Sometimes, we do not recognize that we have these scars, or, if we do, we don't realize how deep they go.  How much did the loss of a job effect you?  A loved one or a friend betrayed you? People making fun of you - the way you look, the way you dress, the way you speak, etc?  

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking on the beach.  I love the sound of the waves and how vast the ocean is.  I find the scenery beautiful and calming.  And I also am reminded how great our God is.  I like looking for shells whenever I am at the beach.  There were a fair amount of shells in a variety of colors.  But what I noticed was that there were beautiful shells despite being only part of a whole shell, or broken, or cracked.   These imperfections didn't detract from the beauty of the shells.  I heard God speak to my heart, that we all have imperfections, scars, brokenness.  We try to hide these things.  We believe that it will keep us from doing things and that God can't possibly use us.  But God sees our brokenness.  He sees the scars.  AND, a big AND, He says I am beautiful.  He wants to use me.  I don't have to hide anything. 

Even in the midst of anything that has happened to us, Jesus is there.  He never leaves us.  His love for us is unchanging.  Our help is found in Him.  Do we truly believe what He has told us?  We say we believe God and His word.  But then we act based on beliefs that we are not lovable and not beautiful.  He says I am beautiful.  I am loved.  I am wonderfully made.  I matter.  I have a purpose.

So what do we do with these scars?  We take them to Jesus.  He is the only one that can heal them.  Does that meant that they go away?  That they won't be seen anymore?  No.  Jesus impressed on me that He still carries His scars.  The nail marks in His hands in feet, the stripes on His back, the piercing of His side.  They are all still there.  (Remember Thomas who touched the nail scars in Jesus' hands after Jesus' resurrection.) We despise our scars.  But His scars are His glory also.   Our scars can also be used to bring glory to God.  When we share our hurts with others and how God has walked us through these experiences, we bring God glory.  Also, these hurts changes us.  If we let God heal us, these scars do not control us.  We grow in faith and maturity.  The hardest experiences of my life have led to so much growth and knowledge of God.  I have grown in my walk so that I don't walk in worry everyday or in fear or in insecurity.  I don't mean that I never fight these battles anymore, but I recognize them and do not let them hold me down.  I am still growing and learning and Jesus is with me every step of the way.  I don't let the scars dictate who I am and what I can do.   I can say these things because He has been with me through every circumstance, every hurt (both physical and emotional and spiritual)  and He has never left me.  I know Him as my friend, my savior, my deliverer, my healer because He has been all these things to me.  If I never had circumstances that required these things, I would not have experienced Him in these ways.  I don't have to be ashamed.  I don't have to pretend.  I don't have to be afraid.  I just need to walk each day with Him and take Him at His word.    

I named my blog Pearls for Your Journey.  When I think of pearls, I think of something small and precious.  Something that has to be searched out.  You don't find a pearl just lying around.  They are found inside the soft tissue of a living shelled mollusk, like an oyster.   I think it is amazing how pearls are created.  Pearls are formed by a defense mechanism inside the mollusk against a potentially threatening irritant or an attack from outside the shell that injures the tissue.  The mollusk creates the pearl by enclosing the irritant inside a pearl sac and successively coating it with layers which becomes the pearl that we see in the end.   This nacre seals off the irritant from the mollusk and becomes a pearl.

I think we have to dig in our own lives to discover the pearls that are hiding in our lives.  I believe that the scars we have received can become some of the most beautiful pearls in our lives if we let God heal us and redeem these broken pieces.  During these broken times, we learn so much about ourselves, about God, and about those around us.  You learn things about yourself - some things to grow more into, things that you need to change, and truths about yourself that amaze you.  You also learn more and more about God.  We may think we know that God loves us, but He is infinite.  He is not limited.  And the way that He shows up in the midst of these times can blow us away.  We realize that there is so much more to know about God.  And, about those around us, we learn that there are those that God has placed in our lives to bless us and those that God has placed in our lives for us to bless. Let's continue to look at ourselves and our circumstances through God's eye.  God says I am beautiful even with all my scars.  You are beautiful, too.

Choices

Everyday, we are faced with choices.  Some are easy and do not require much thought.  Some are life changing.  However, there are some things that we approach with the thought that that is how we are or there is nothing I can do about it.  But even deciding not to address something is a choice. 
When we wake up in the morning, we do have to choose to get out of bed, get dressed, eat and to do things throughout the day.  But how do you start your day?  That alone could be the most important decision that you will make.  Will you approach the day with joy and hope or will you choose to face the day with the attitude that it is going to be a bad day, nothing will go right, or with no thought at all on how you will approach your day?

When life happens, and it will, what will you choose?  If you haven't already decided how you will approach your day, you will more easily be caught off guard and not respond in the best way.  I can yell and scream when something bad happens such as a car accident, or I can choose to be at peace knowing that God is with me and He is not caught off guard when it happens.  I know that with Him I can handle anything.  I may not like it and wished that it didn't happen.  I may never know why it had to happen.  Wouldn't it be nice if nothing bad ever happened?  Why didn't I get the promotion, why did I lose my job, why did I have these medical issues?  I tried to do the right thing, I tried to take care of myself and eat right, but I ended up with this problem anyway.  Do I get angry?  Do I take it out on others?  Do I have a pity party?  Why me?  But what if I take a second and remember God's promises, that He would never leave me nor forsake me; that He will never give me more than I can handle, that I can do all things (ALL things) through Christ.  I can then approach the problem with hope and faith.   It doesn't change the facts of what is happening, but it changes me.  

I think sometimes I am better at handling the drastic issues because I know I can't do it without God so I turn to Him quickly.  But what about the little irritants during the day.  A driver cuts me off, I can get upset or I can just let it go.  And if I feel I really have to do something then I can do something positive like praying that they would drive safer.   When I pray for them, I can't continue to be angry.  I notice being negative effects how I view the incidents, the actions of others, and even conversations.  

I would also like to suggest that we do choose to love.  Some may say that it is just a feeling, you either have it or you don't.  But anyone that has been in a relationship for any length of time will know that sometimes it is harder to love the other person than at other times.  They do things that irritate you.  And they can be "unlovable".  But love is not just based on feelings.  I feel like loving you today.  Oh, I don't feel like loving you anymore.  We do hear that relationships take work.  Why would it take work if it was easy?  I propose that when they are unlovable, when they have hurt you, that we need to choose to love them.  We don't give up.  If we base our love on how they act, then our love has become conditional.   And it is not just in the times that they act badly, we also judge them on whether they are acting loving to us.  If they loved me, they would do _____ (fill in the blank).  But the greatest love of all is unconditional love.  Our love should not be based on what the other person does or does not do.  And my being loved is not based on what I do.  It is because of who I am.  And this is so clearly demonstrated in that I am loved by God who knows me completely.   As God loves us, we are to love others.  And God also tells us to love our enemies as we love ourselves.  There are no exceptions as to who we are to love.  How much more blatant can it be that we have to choose to love?  Loving our enemies is not natural.  Our first inclination is to, at the very least, avoid them or to hate them back.  Truly loving them can only be done with God's love in us.  We are to choose to act in love.

So I challenge you to be aware of the choices you are making throughout your day.  I pray that you will choose to love and see God's work in your life.