Lessons Learned

I can’t believe it has been so long since I have written anything.  So many things have happened.  I guess the biggest thing was a year ago when my husband had a moderate stroke.  It was but also wasn't a surprise.

  

We had known since 2009 that he had a genetic condition that causes strokes called CADASIL.  The family found this out because his older sister started having multiple strokes at age 50.  Her doctors ended up doing genetic tests to discover the cause which resulted in the diagnosis of a hereditary genetic defect.

We discovered Richard had the same defect and prayed about this. I believed that everything would be okay.  I put my faith in God and knew that only He knew the future and all I could do was trust Him.  I know that we have been blessed in that we have had 8 years without the issues that his sister has had.  

So when the stroke happened, I questioned God.  I had thought everything would be okay and that it meant that we would not have to deal with this stroke issue.  I guess I thought the answer to my prayer was that he would have no strokes ever.   

After this stroke, in the midst of my crying out to God and praying, God spoke to me that it will be 

okay, just not how I think it should look.  In a way, not too comforting.  Definitely, not the answer I was looking for.  We want things to be okay - job, finances, relationships, home, family.  

We tend to think that God's answers to our prayers look like we want them to look like.  Sometimes we think of being blessed by God means we have no issues.  But that is not quite what God means.  

When Richard had the stroke, the doctor asked how this one compared to the previous 3 strokes.  This took us both by surprise.  What strokes?  It took some time, but I realized that although Richard had this stroke, God was working during the previous years so that we didn't even know that he had had other strokes since they had caused no complications.

Also, during the past year I have suffered physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I am still dealing with pain from the car accidents, but now I am the one that has to take care of the house, yard, finances, everything.  Richard tries to help but is limited which puts more on me which increases my physical pain.  Richard has mobility issues now, and suffers with back pain made worse by the stroke effecting his gait.  But, I am thankful that at least he can walk with a walker, he can talk, and has use of his hands, arms and legs.  But he does suffer a lot of headaches.  He also has had multiple TIAs so we never know from day to day how his day is going to be. 

Emotionally, it has been hard seeing the person you love, dealing with this drastic change in his life.  I understand because I went through I lot of this when I became disabled after a car accident and could no longer work.  The same with Richard.  He was working one night, and during his shift, he had a stroke that has prevented him from being able to work.  All I can do is help him the best I can and encourage him.  Our value is not in what we are able to do but in who we are.  Our physical limitations do not define us.

What was really hard during this time period was that I have felt so alone at times.  I have friends, but it became an issue that I felt I couldn’t share with others what I was going through.  I was told by well-meaning Christians that I didn’t have faith or at least not the right kind of faith.  I was also told I wasn’t where I needed to be with God.  I thank God that when this particular incident happened, I had just had a time with God where He told me how much He loved us and encouraged me that He was walking us through this and it would be okay.  In another incident I was told that if I just praised God, everything would be fine.  I was told I was lacking hope.  I know that they meant well and thought that it was helpful or godly advice.  But what I can tell you is that God confirmed over and over again that what was being said was not from Him.   

I think its hard for people to know what to say or to pray because they  don’t understand what God is doing in times of trials, struggles, problems, seasons, chastenings or whatever you want to call it.  We want the mountain top experience and for everything to be going as we would like it - finances, jobs, family all going along with no issues.  We think serving God is happiness and peace. 

But we forget that Jesus says that we will have troubles.  And yet God promises joy.  Joy you can have in hard times and good times or even in times of loss.  If we look in the Bible, God uses these hard times to work something good in our lives.  Job is a well-known example, but also look at Joseph, David, and the apostles.  There are a lot of examples.  If we get a clearer view of God and His purposes in our lives, we can better pray and encourage our brother and sisters in Christ during hard times. 

We have to be careful not to judge our fellow Christians.  Too many times, we try to explain it as sin, that there is something wrong with them or their walk.  This can lead people to not share their struggles and become discouraged and feel that God has abandoned them.  Or they do not have people to help them and strengthen them because they feel they can’t be open about what is going on. 

Another easy explanation is to blame everything on an attack by Satan.  The problem with that is that we then don’t do a honest examination of ourselves to see if there is something in us that is hindering God’s work in our lives.

Sometimes it is an issue that God is wanting to deal with in a person’s life.  For example, there could be an issue of pride that they need to deal with, but we are not helping them by judging them.  We have to be careful and talk with them in love and humility.  It is very important to seek God in this area so that we don’t hinder what God is doing by being accusatory and/or causing an offense.  

One of the things that I noticed is that we tend to put God in a box.  We tend to judge things based on our past experiences.  So if God worked in this one way in our lives, then it has to be that God is working exactly the same way in the other person's life.  It is true that we go through things and we are to share our experiences and help people through similar circumstances. 

But to say that God always does something in the exact way each time or that God never does something in a certain way is misleading on our part.  God is infinite and no two of us are alike.  Don’t you think that God is creative and can come up with a myriad of ways to accomplish His goals.  

The only thing that we can truly say that is always true is that God is who He is.  He is loving, merciful, forgiving, faithful, just, righteous.  He can also never do anything that is against His character. 

Let me give an example.  If I have back pain, and God has shown me that I have unforgiveness towards someone, then anyone that I come in contact with that has back pain, I may be tempted to tell them that they have unforgiveness.  That all they have to do is repent and forgive that person and their back pain will go away.  But could it be a physical issue needing healing, an attack or something else?  Did I even ask God if that is what they need?  Or did God just use the back pain in my particular instance to get my attention on something He was wanting me to deal with?

Another common way that we put God in this sort of box is that we pray specific scriptures for certain issues.  I definitely believe in praying God’s word and that it is powerful.  But it seems at times that we have gotten so comfortable with just quoting these scriptures that we leave God out of the process.  It’s like we say," God I’ve got this, I don’t need to clear it with you.  I know it, and I know the scriptures." 

But only God knows the heart and mind of each person.  Our circumstances may be similar, but what is God’s purpose in these circumstances? 

The question to help us know what is going on is whether God is delivering us from the circumstance, or through the circumstance, or by the circumstance?  Sometimes, God removes the circumstance.  Sometimes, He walks us through the circumstance.  Sometimes, God uses the circumstance to bring us to Him.

When I had the accident in 2006, I prayed for healing.  I felt that God told me that I would go through this, and that He would be with me every step of the way.  I then asked that no matter what happened that God would be glorified.  I didn’t know that I would still be dealing with this 12 years later, but He has been faithful.  Some trials or circumstances (whatever you want to call it) are quick and some last a long time  Only God knows how long. 

When I would ask for healing, I kept hearing "not yet."  Although God had said not yet, I would still contend for healing according to His word that He desires that we would be healed.  

A few years ago, God said that He is healing me.  And He has, just not physically yet.  He has done such a work in my heart.  He has healed so many emotional and spiritual wounds.  It’s hard to explain, but I know that I couldn’t have gone through this any other way. 

I am so thankful for His love and guidance.  I understand so much more the scripture that states "knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character; and character, hope" Romans 5:3-4. It is amazing the way He has healed me and shown His love, which has deepened my love for Him. 

A lesson to be learned from all this is to make sure when we talk to someone about how to handle a situation that they are dealing with, that we know what God is doing.  Be careful to not rely on our own knowledge of the situation. Take time to seek God.

Another lesson is that God doesn’t "always" or "never" do things a certain way.  He is infinite and our situations are also individual.  Just because God responded in one way to you doesn’t mean He will only respond in that one way to everyone else. 

Also, saying a specific prayer is not the answer.  God is not a puppet that we can force by saying a certain scripture and then He will have to do exactly what we expect.  We don’t realize that that this is how we are treating God, but think about it.  Sometimes we at like all we have to do is say the right words and God will do what we have asked.  Or if we do this certain thing, pray for 30 minutes every day, fast, whatever that we will get the answer we want.  We are trying to control God. 

Should we pray, Yes.  Should we fast, Yes.  But it's about the heart of the matter.  It's about working with God.  It's about having a relationship with God and working with God for His will to be done.

We sometimes view our trials and the purpose of the trials based on the results/blessings that we receive afterwards.   If you are in financial trouble then the results/blessing must be God providing the funds needed with the purpose increasing our faith and obedience.  But what if we don't get the funds?  Then what do we do; what do we think?  Do we think that God doesn't care or that there is something wrong with us?  

How many times have I thought that God did this for others but He isn't doing it for me?  I thought erroneously that God didn't value me. 

But what if the purpose wasn't for us to get this financial miracle, this blessing?  What if it is God transforming something in us that would make us more like Jesus.  What if the testimony isn't the blessing/result, but the work that God did in us because He loves us so much?  This is a blessing, result and testimony of eternal significance, not just for the physical here and now.  He is more concerned with working something good in us for eternity than a temporary blessing now. 

Is He working in us patience, mercy, love, perseverance, faith, hope, etc?  The part of this for me is that He has been working on me knowing my identity in Him.